Rads..

I've always come to goa for every vacation since my family is here. Sometimes i've had enough of the family and would prefer a vacation somewhere else. But I feel bad for my mother and grandmom and try to be as accommodating as possible but I do let my displeasure be made public when it comes to certain members of my family.(CMOF)

One of my cousins is constantly put down by CMOF because of her failings as a student. It will suffice to say that I loathe them. However this cousin is someone who is constantly in love. Probably the main reason for her failings. At first, I tried to make her understand that love at this point is never a sure thing but education is.But her blatant denial and immense belief in this feeling is daunting and one wonders where she gets her enthusiasm from. One would think she would give up on it since she's failed so many times. But it hasnt scarred her young heart. She ploughs on and tells me how it is the only thing that can make you feel the safest in this world. Being a hardcore cynic myself, I find it disbelieving.She's the one that I have to tell my sordid girl problems to, since she can worm and whine anything out of you. She gives me the most pathetic advice, always telling me to give the guy a chance..a second one..a third one. I dont take her advice from the start. But the way she pleads and begs me to stay in love is disturbing. She acts like its the only thing that can save me. Like its the only thing that's important. More than stability and safety. I have tried to make her see reason with regards to her choice in men but she always says love isnt selective. It doesnt happen only to people who are rich, educated and from good families, like our parents want us to get married to. Fat people are allowed to love. So are ugly, uneducated, deformed and the poor. I have no answer to the impossible things she says sometimes. Her positive attitude is irresponsible, irrational and sometimes, causes irritation. Espescially when she cant see through people. She smiles at people who put her down. She laughs when people make mean sarcastic jokes about her. Sometimes I think its a defence mechanism but she honestly believes that no one can possibly hate and despise her, not even wish bad for her. She shakes her head regretfully and apologises on my behalf if I get into a fight defending her. It makes me want to wring her neck.

She's the same age as me and I wonder sometimes how she will survive.Better than me, I sometimes think. With the way she's so trapped in her bubble. She just might be one of the few people i've loved completely and fully. When I feel hopeless, she might be the only one with her unique attitude to tell me the good points of my damned situation. Only she could find them. Only she could possibly make me hope because of her fervent and sincere belief in the situation.

I know I can never be like her and I probably never will. But there are few people like her on this planet. Few people who believe there is hope and love is still pure and fresh. That lies and deceit is impossible. That this world can still be saved. And it's probably for this reason that i will try to protect her as long as I can. Till the tidal wave comes and bursts her bubble. Till then, this world still has hope.

Learning it the hard way.

People's expectations can be daunting. People who are close to you brainwash you into thinking you need things when you're better off without it. when you dont reach what they think you're capable of, you get their looks and talks. It makes you think, "Are you worth of it?"
I've realised when people put you down, they really wanna make them selves feel good. Some people have walked in and out of my life this last year. Some have been bitter...some, good riddance, I say. Some have been great experiences and some forgettable. People who you've known for so long were not what they seemed to be anymore. You wonder where you went wrong. When treating you badly and taking you for granted had become okay for them. It's confusing and disorienting in the start. When they finally walk out, or you throw them out yourself, you realise they've been like this all the while. You just took it then. And now, you cant. Now, you're sick of it. Sometimes I wish I'd never met them in the first place. I wish I'd made it a point to ignore them. To never let them in.
But then I dont want to say the glass is half empty. These people have taught me the darker side of human nature. It's made me more cautious and pay attention to people better. I let everyone in now. But I decide who stays. I decide if I want to listen to them. I decide if they're worth it. I decide if I wanna give a shit. You are better than no one. But no one can make you feel lesser than anyone either.
Looking back, I don't cry about it being over. I smile because it happened. Or smirk, in some cases. When it comes to my career, I've stopped making plans. When it comes to guys, I've stopped making a checklist. Being bored is very rare now. I realised, in a rare moment of clarity, that no moment is ordinary. There is never nothing going on. Every single emotion- love, lust, hate, jealousy, hate is breakable.
Except obsession.
That is where we need to draw the line.
Sometimes things that people do are unforgivable. But one forgets that no one loves you completely. Atleast not more than themselves. One needs to accept. Accept that people can make mistakes. Not always to the extent that you have to forgive and forget always. Being a saint was never my thing. But dont let it fuck your happiness. And even if it does, let it do minimal damage. Enough to make you smarter and realise that people are never what they seem to be.
Sometimes one needs to forget about being wary. One needs to forget the outcome and result. One needs to stop thinking. Period.
Where are you?
Here.
What time is it?
Now.
What are you?
This moment.

What do we want?

Do we like paying the bills?

Or is washing the dishes better?

Do we like being given the jacket when its chill?

Or prefer the rider's seat on the bike better?

Do we really like the babies?

Are we more comfortable in the boss's chair?

Is it fun behaving like a lady?

Or more fun shocking by shaving off all your hair?

Do we like a romantic dinner?

Or playing ball on the beach?

Is it fun getting any thinner?

Or do we prefer enjoying what we eat?

Do we really like the shopping?

Or do we prefer our old jeans?

Or is it just very comforting?

That appearances are the only thing they see

Do we like the usual 'I love you'?

Or a frantic kiss in the middle of the argument?

Do you force him to make a choice-them or you?

Or let him cool by staying silent?

Do we like cleaning up after him?

Or are we comfortable with the mess?

Do we always think he needs a trim?

Or are his long tresses, tickling you, the best?

Do we like talking about our day?

Or only talk when asked about it?

Do we like always having our way?

Or love a man who doesnt take our shit?

Do we like them poor but rich in spirit?

Or being pampered because you're worth it?

Do we like them muscular and fit?

Or the lean and smooth who can do a flip?

Do we like the good boys watch romcoms?

Or the ones that talk dirty, always surrounded by a mob?

Do we like it when they dedicate a song?

Or laugh with you at couples who,in public, snog?

Do we like to gossip and let out secrets?

Do we prefer writing it in our diaries?

Do we like playing hard to get and being mysterious?

What do we want?...We know, very rarely....

Love songs we love to hate..

Chickas and predictable non original men..change your tastes...read this somewhere..kinda mirrors what i feel..
1) My heart will go on-Celine Dion
Why oh why didnt someone push this shrieking banshee off the sinking ship before she opened her mouth and cranked up this tortorous number? 'My heart will go on...' What does that even mean? Does her heart want to burst out of her chest and go forth and scream hysterically as it runs far away from her voice? We think so.

2) "ILU ILU' movie: Saudagar
It's the only song that makes 'I love you' sound offensive and downright obscene and the song writers knew that. Why else would they keep stressing 'ILU ka matlab I love you I love you?' Get it?
Now get your mind out of the gutter.

3)'Love me for a reason.' by Boyzone
Okay, you stupid boy band. Who wrote this? Was it written on a napkin?In crayons? By a FOUR YEAR OLD? 'Love me for a reason..let the reason be love..' Its ironical that the line has the word 'reason' mentioned in it twice..yet the concept is completely lost.

4) 'How am I supposed to live without you?' Michael Bolton
For a while this crooner distracted us with the dead cat sprawled across his head. But after he cut his hair, we just realised how much his music sucks. As far as this song goes, good God, pull yourself together..get a backbone..some song writing skills would be nice too.

5)'Everything I do' Bryan Adams
This is the mother of all bad love songs. This syrupy song was an enormous hit and made women everywhere swoon. But doesnt anyone get what Bryan is trying to say? When he picks his nose..when he leaves the toilet seat up..and even when he's um..busy with his right hand and a naughty magazine..he's doing it all for you.. (He did say everything)

6)Hit me baby one more time- Britney Spears
we'll gladly hit this chickie one more time..or maybe a dozen times..knock her out cold..For all you know, its probably singing this terrible song over and over that permanently twisted the poor kid's mind.

7)Aashiq Banaya Apne' Himesh Reshammiya
Loosely translated it means 'You made me a lover'. And we suppose Mr. Nasal Twang singing the same line over and over again(until the listener has lost the will to live) is the painful price you pay for love?

8)I just called to say I love you by Stevie Wonder
Good grief, this one reeks of so much sugary content that you're likely to get a toothache at the end of 3 minutes. Stevie baby..hang up..hang up now..else we'll put that telephone wire to good use..
as a noose...

9) Right here waiting by Richard Marx
Whatever you do..whereever you go.. I will be right here waiting for you..
What is this?
The anthem of the losers convention? Exactly how do you expect to woo her if all you're going to do is whine incessantly in one place? Honey, she's not coming back..trust us on this one.

10) 'Nothing gonna change my love for you.' by Glenn Medeiros
ARRRGGGHHHH...stop...please stop...here take all our money...and our watches too...jus STOP THAT NOW!

Ignorance is bliss...sometimes...

I'm in Goa with my cousins. Most of my older cousins have their exams going on so I'm stuck with the kiddies. Those who know me well will know that there are 2 sets of people I dont know how to handle at all- kids and old people. Im lost when it comes to conversing with them or baby talking. Give me a mad man and I probably wont freak out as much. But shove a baby in my face and I'll probably be confused, disoriented and wrong footed. When they're tiny fingers play with the frown lines on my forehead I wonder if I'm doing something wrong. Thier small noises which dont make any sense and the laughter that follows always makes me feel like I'm a practical joke that only they can understand. And when they cry...god..when they cry.
I run.
Far away.
That wailing is disturbing, espescially when you have no clue what they want.
Thankfully, my cousins are both seven year olds and much easier to handle. However, yesterday, one of them, Alroy, was getting difficult. I had played with him for three hours straight and he still didn't let me get back to my writing.
I really think my aunt fed him something yesterday, for him to get this high.
I plonked down stubbornly, removing my writing material. He caught my legs and started to whine.
"Please, play carrom with me."
I was still too busy with my papers so I said,"I dont feel the need to play carrom when I've played with you for 3 hours. Why dont you sit and contemplate on what you've learnt today?"
I saw his expression.
Okay,let's rephrase.
"Take a break."
He frowned and started pulling my tee.
"You're my best cousin so you have to play with me. I love you no!"
See what I mean by high?
Before I could tell him that his line of reasoning was silly, he stuck out his lower lip and started to make mewing noises, a mock imitation of the puppy dog face.
"Where did you learn that?"
"I saw you doing it to your dad. You got to go out."
I snorted. My own tactics used against me.
I sighed. Could'nt argue with this one. He clapped his hands loudly, jumping around on his toes.
"Allright you twerp. Stop your silly dance and lead the way."
He caught my hand and pulled, saying, "Finally, you don't want to be lonely all the time."
I froze.
"You mean alone, right?"
But he didnt hear me. Already too busy arranging the coins on the board.
I shrugged. English is a complicated language.
* * * *
In the evening, I had to deal with the other pesky one. Her name's Cerena. She comes up to me running, something in her hands.
"Put for me."
I looked at her confused.
"Put what?"
"Make up."
She thrust a box at my face. There were brushes of various sizes and tiny round compartments which had shiny stuff in them.
"You're too young for make up."
She put her hands on her hips and huffed, "You don't know how to put, that's why you're telling like that."
She walked away.
I looked up at the ceiling and prayed. But no, God wanted to laugh some more.
She came back.
"Let's go out."
Oh no. Not again.
"No Cerena, I need to write."
She pulled my tee. It was going to be ripped by the end of this day.
I freshened up putting on my sneakers, shorts and another loose tee.
I took my head phones, jamming them in my ear. It helps with my mum.
But this one was a handful.
She tugged at my headphones asking, "Do you have a boyfriend?"
How do kids know stuff like this? Too much bloody television.
"No, I dont."
"But you're old! What type of boy you want?"
"I haven't thought about it."
"Why not?"
Like it was the most normal thing in the world to do.
I decided to not answer and asked her instead, "What type of boy do you want?"
"He should look nice and give me lots of chocolates."
"Oh yes he will. If that gets you to shut up." I muttered.
We walked in silence for a while. I almost started to thank God for small mercies.
Too soon.
"Why do you walk like a boy?"
I blanched. She was watching me all this while.
My hands were stuck in my pockets and I fisted them. Anything to stop myself from tearing my hair out and giving her more ammunition.
"How should I walk?"
"Slowly. Put your hands on your stomach and walk."
She showed me. She meant waist.
I decided to amuse her. I put my hands on my waist and started to walk, exaggerating my sway. She giggled.
I turned to look back at her, flciking my hair back mockingly, batting my lashes and popping my leg up, "How's that?"
She laughed saying,"Boys will like like that."
I smirked and walked back to her, normally.
"Yeah, I know. Let's not make it easy for them now. Then they'll give you chocolates only in the night."
I fished out a mint from my pocket and gave it to her.
It really did shut her up.

Top 10 Things That Annoy Me The Most!

1)When you need to go somewhere really fast and God suddenly decides to pick on you like you're his private joke by making the traffic seem worse or the train halting far too many times when its not a station. I really wanna smack something then. God forbid, I dont give in to that urge some day.
2)When someone bumps into you cause they're about to miss the 6:52 train when there is a 6:56 train to the same place. But noooo, they're boss would kill and shred them to pieces if they are 4 minutes late! So hey, lets screw everyone on the way, shall we?
3)When you are arguing about something and the person brings out something you did ages ago. Hello?! We already discussed that, it has no relevance to this argument and just because I was wrong the last time doesnt mean its permanent the whole freaking time!
4) When I compliment someone and they act boringly modest and say "Really? I dont think so." The'yre expecting me to reaffirm the compliment and feel better about themselves so I just say, "You know what? You're right. I think I was wrong the first time."
5)When women (FAT women!) barge into the fourth seat in the train and half their legs rest on you, making everyone on the entire seat uncomfortable. I just get up and stand next to her. Most of the time they apologise and get up but the others just look guilty and dont know what to do. Probably the latter one is far much more satisfying.
6)When women tap you as they enter asking you where you're getting off(they dont care what you're doing-sleeping, listening to music, talking on the phone) and they reserve it, practically breathing down your neck till you get up. God forbid if someone else takes your place after you get up for you will be dragged into the arguement too.
7)When people constantly crack really sad jokes and expect you to laugh at them. Trust me, I dont even try.
8)When youre trying to concentrate while you're doing a million things online and a friend you hardly talk to beeps you on fb chat.
"Hey."
You think its important so you type hurriedly.
"Yea, what happened?"
"I just wanted to say hi.!"
AARRRGHHH!
9)When you're asked innumerable questions about your life that you dont wanna answer and they aint getting the hint even though you're giving them monosyllabic answers.
10) When you get something for someone(in this case, mom), come back and she realises she forgets something else.Then you go back again.
And again.
And again.
Trust me, I had to do this 5 times continuously. Its pretty harrowing!

The Moon and 26 Pence.

An article I read by a guy called Ali. Very interesting. Just thought I would type it down.

If man were to live by bread alone, he would have a very tough time indeed. Im not saying that because bread does not contain all the nutrients the human body requires functions normally. Im saying it because a loaf of bread costs around Rs.18 today. That's a helluva lot considering we used to pay barely Rs. 5-6 about a decade ago. And man does not live by bread alone.
And therein lies the problem.
For years, inflation was a term I only used to come acroos in the papers. It was not something I understood well and certainly not something I lost sleep over. Today, I still dont know much about the theory of inflation but im getting a crash course in the practicals. I bought a litre of sunflower oil in March for Rs. 70, which in itself seemed a lot. Barely three months later I was paying Rs. 106 for the blasted thing! Inflation had made a very rude entry into my life- it was no longer something on the newspaper. It is something I deal with on a daily basis. And it is hitting me where it hurts-my wallet.
Wether its a onions, or potatoes, the story is the same. And if I, a man who just about manages to stay above the poverty line, is suffering so how are those below the line faring? Not very well, Im afraid.
According to a report filed the Arjun Sengupta, which was formed to study the working and living conditions of workers in the unorganised sector, about 836 million people (77% of India's population) subsist on Rs 20 a day each(about 26 UK pence) or less. As to how people can survive on such a paltry amount, I have no clue. But that apparently is the case.
And before you go thinking the panel got the numbers wrong. Here's more evidence on the state of the nation. Confirming the Sengupta Survey Org. report on household expenditure in India 2006-2007, reports that the average indian spends Rs 440 or less in a month on food.
What is disturbing is that none of these statistics have aroused any interest in the media. All they're concerned about is wether India continues to record 7%-plus economic growth. A friend of mine says growth would see money trickle down to the most needy. That's a load of hogwash if u ask me. In 1991 when the industrial reforms began, India was ranked 123rd on the UN's Human Development index. Today, it proudly occupies 128th place.
For those who're dismayed, here's something we top the rest of the world- about 665 million Indians defecate in the open(a WHO and UNICEF finding). Indonesia is a distant second with 66 million.
Last issue, I had written about the utter waste that is Chandrayaan-1. The country had to shell out Rs 386 crore on a mission thats sending us black and white photographs of the moon. In my opinion, black and white lunar images are unlikely to help those wallowing in poverty- nor, for that matter will colour ones. Still, the fact that we've got a satellite gallivanting up there shows there are brilliant minds in this country, in ISRO and outside it. We need to put those minds to good use nad make this country a better place for everybody, politicians willing.
But are they willing?
In the upcoming elections, I'll have to either vote for an alliance that has helplessly watched inflation and terror rise, or for another front that seems to believe fomenting divisions in society is the best way to power. Talk about being stuck betweeen a rock and a hard place. The prospect getting an inedible mark on my index finger after enduring a long wait to only vote in a cretin simply doesnt appeal to me. Perhaps, Ill be better off staying at home.
As for the poor, Im not sure whats in store for them. I only hope the powers that be brush up on their history and refrain from adopting a 'let them eat cake' attitudes. If this is the case, its highly unlikely heads will roll. India has far too many internal divisions to see a popular uprising. But the multitude may simply have no choice but to wait for someone to come along and multiply loaves of bread and fish.