Learning it the hard way.

People's expectations can be daunting. People who are close to you brainwash you into thinking you need things when you're better off without it. when you dont reach what they think you're capable of, you get their looks and talks. It makes you think, "Are you worth of it?"
I've realised when people put you down, they really wanna make them selves feel good. Some people have walked in and out of my life this last year. Some have been bitter...some, good riddance, I say. Some have been great experiences and some forgettable. People who you've known for so long were not what they seemed to be anymore. You wonder where you went wrong. When treating you badly and taking you for granted had become okay for them. It's confusing and disorienting in the start. When they finally walk out, or you throw them out yourself, you realise they've been like this all the while. You just took it then. And now, you cant. Now, you're sick of it. Sometimes I wish I'd never met them in the first place. I wish I'd made it a point to ignore them. To never let them in.
But then I dont want to say the glass is half empty. These people have taught me the darker side of human nature. It's made me more cautious and pay attention to people better. I let everyone in now. But I decide who stays. I decide if I want to listen to them. I decide if they're worth it. I decide if I wanna give a shit. You are better than no one. But no one can make you feel lesser than anyone either.
Looking back, I don't cry about it being over. I smile because it happened. Or smirk, in some cases. When it comes to my career, I've stopped making plans. When it comes to guys, I've stopped making a checklist. Being bored is very rare now. I realised, in a rare moment of clarity, that no moment is ordinary. There is never nothing going on. Every single emotion- love, lust, hate, jealousy, hate is breakable.
Except obsession.
That is where we need to draw the line.
Sometimes things that people do are unforgivable. But one forgets that no one loves you completely. Atleast not more than themselves. One needs to accept. Accept that people can make mistakes. Not always to the extent that you have to forgive and forget always. Being a saint was never my thing. But dont let it fuck your happiness. And even if it does, let it do minimal damage. Enough to make you smarter and realise that people are never what they seem to be.
Sometimes one needs to forget about being wary. One needs to forget the outcome and result. One needs to stop thinking. Period.
Where are you?
Here.
What time is it?
Now.
What are you?
This moment.