You're Beautiful ! :|

We had a photoshoot yesterday, at the company..We were warned that the photographer was being paid quite a bit to make us look good so we were supposed to make his job slightly easier by making an effort ourselves.. Anyone who knows me well enough by now will know I prefer being behind the camera rather than in front of it..It was supposed to be after lunch but the tension was palpable since the start of the day..Everyone started to file in late to work, looking expectantly at others to pass a compliment so that they could get one themselves.. It was like a hornet's nest of vanity with everyone flicking their hair for the upteenth time,discreetly glacing at the mirror when they pass by it(even the glass walls werent spared) and talking about the different brands of make up, exchanging blazers, jewellery..souls..
Seriously.
When it was announced that the photographer was half an hour away, it was like some emergency fire alarm ringing and suddenly the loo was the hottest place to be. It reminded me of kids running as fast as they could when their recess bells ring. I managed to remain unnoticed for a while until Darshana swooped down on me, nattering about my hair and the lack of make up on my face. She practically kicked me into the loo and told me to do the needful. I managed to force myself to comb the knots out that I had blissfully ignored in the morning cause I prefer my mother's wrath compared to Darshana's. I thought washing my face would do the trick but it wasnt enough, apparently. I was then bodily handled into her chair and she opened her bag. Let's not talk about what was there in that bag.More like various torture instruments. She rummaged thoroughly and bought out this devious looking bottle with a lot of brown goo in it. She was like this dentist telling me it will be allright when I know it wouldnt.All I had to do was remain still. Seriously, if looking pretty was that easy...
So she applied that goo on my lips and I thought I was going to be left alone when Miti came. I think my blouse was going to be ripped by the end of the day with all the dragging around. She wanted to put black liquid stuff on my eyes. All I had to do was sit still.... again.
After applying, she told me to wait with my eyes closed for two minutes. Unfortunately, my impatient mind doesnt know how long that is and I opened them. Let's just say it was a disaster..and then they had to do some serious damage control..It was like being taken to the ER room in a hospital with the cotton swabs, the poking, the prodding and the swearing...
At last, I was ready to go and the photographer had arrived. He set up his lighting and everyone was made to go in individually and be subjected to flashing, blinding lights in his torture chamber. A blazer was put on my back and I walked in tentatively. The only good thing about this, I told myself, was that the photographer was hot. I must admit, he was. But there was, unfortunately, no enthusiasm on my part because I'm still hung up on another upturned nose guy wearing an oversized blazer. I thought it would, maybe, be better if I imagined him instead of this grungy, straight nosed, tall man.
Not a good idea. It made me feel even worse. So I took a deep breath and followed his instructions deligently, trying hard not to think of the 'other man'.
Flash.
I flinched. I wasnt ready for that. And he knew, so he said, "Smile for me!"
So I did.
Flash. Flash. Flash.
"Beautiful!"
I couldnt help grinning when he said that. He nodded, an indication that I could leave so I walked out, coming face to face with 'the other man', holding his oversized jacket and looking past me,at someone else.
I sighed and the smile slipped a little. They really were paying this photographer a lot.

M&D

One of my first real friends at the workplace turned out to be Miti.She's tall and willowy with the perfect heart shaped face and slanting eyes.She's quite and distant in the start so you think she's a safe bet but her ability to bug you comes out much later. A stickler for being worried, if you ever saw one. Where do I get these people from? Maybe it's because of my inability to worry about myself therefore I surround myself with everyone who can tell me when I need to. I am at work at the moment and she intends to see that I finish this testimonial about her. Forcing me to write has never been a good thing so if this turns out bad,it's all her fault. It has nothing to do with my lack of skill. She and I got close because of a bomb blast really. Yes, I actually have a dramatic story to tell which is ridden with tragedy and death. Bah! I travel back with her usually and she lives at Grant Road. So when we heard about the blasts, her father warned her to not come home. So she landed up at mine.

Crying.

I still have no idea why and all she does is laugh when I ask her.

She does that a lot too. But we'll get to that later.

She is twenty three but I've always had the impression that she was a kid. A kid who doesnt know what to do when there's a disaster. A pretty kid, I must add. One that I'm thankfully not envious of because she doesnt flaunt it. She has this weird urge to put some 'Gujjuness' in me. She tries to make me eat paan and coerces me into having supari. She hasnt succeeded yet. Not that she will.

There's this other thing that I eluded to before so I will mention it now.

She laughs.

When she's mad.

I dont get it.

We dont get a bus or she misses a train,I yell in frustration but she..

Laughs.

She has this weird obsession with cats, my least favorite animal and she's trying to convert me too.

I have a feeling she likes it when I'm irritated so she tweaks my chair up and down when I'm sitting on it and working.

The next thing she's obsessed about.

Her weight.

She knows about the number of calories every food item has and she has the most precise moments to let me know.

Right before I'm eating it.

I swear I've lost two kilos just being guilty.

* * *

Darshana is the second person I'd like to talk about. She's like a breath of fresh air in this office. Five minutes of talking to her gets you high on something and you're all ready to go back to work. She's the strongest woman I've met even though she wont admit it herself. She thinks she's emotional but to me, that's what makes her strong. Her ability to empathise with you. She has been strong for me when I got into trouble the first week and I've learnt the ropes, thanks to her. Funnily enough,I can see a little of myself in her.

She's not the perfect lady like women who gives in to societal sensibilities. She has her own opinions and she somehow knows what its like at my age. Her quirks include listening to these teenaged loved induced Hindi love songs-something I would listen to when I'm 15 and believed in Prince Charming. She's named her pet cat Zeus!! The same name I wanted to keep when I got a pet dog. She gives her honest opinion about human nature and has no qualms about admitting when people will be selfish. I like the fact that she knows people will be selfish most of the time. She has her own ethics that I wish everyone did. They would be so much easier to get along with. She can be my mother sometimes, advising me in exactly the way I think parents should advice their kids without being condescending.And she can be my friend too, someone I can laugh and be bitchy with. Simply put, I love her.

: D

* * *

Mitchelle, who is the Head HR of the company, met me at my second interview-the interview that I was petrified of because it was supposed to test my current affairs knowledge. Thankfully, the Big Boss was busy and my 200 country capitals didnt need to be tested. So I met her instead. There are some people you instantly like and she was one of them. However, for my mother and me to like the same person was unthinkable. But she did. I realised, in time, I liked her because she reminded me of my own mother in many ways. She was Goan , just like my mother. She was easy to talk to, always laughed and smiled,loved food and was somehow easier to relate to. She likes to live life king size, and splurges on herself and others generously.

However, with most happy people, like Darshana and Mitchelle, there's always a sense of sadness and loneliness hiding behind their strong personalities. These fiercely independent people shut down when hurt and they prefer solving problems themselves. In the end, they're taken for granted and not appreciated as much as they should be. Mitchelle is confused about what she wants but very clear about what she doesnt want..which makes her far easier to understand, to me..She may be in her 30's but she's still fun to talk to and she's mantained her child like behaviour...

.....

You might have heard people talk about this all the time but I'm going to do it anyway and bore you. Since I'm surrounded by women all day, I'm also surrounded by make up, shoes and accessories. Though I will grudgingly admit that they are necessary, I still dont understand the need, obsession and fascination.The unecessary meticulous ladylike behavior that involves combing your hair a million times, going all the way to the loo to only set your hair and the never ending frown when you're perfectly manicured nail is chipped, grates on my nerves.Women keep drinking hot water and eat ONLY fruits, starving themselves. It's disgusting.They say no to chocolate, know the exact amount of calories in each food item and have strict diet plans everyday. Fairness creams are at the top of my hate list. It's pathetic how women want to be fair and thin all the time and are complexed about their color and weight.
We are Indians.
We are brown chicks.
The white chicks are outsiders.
And our figure is supposed to be curvy,dammit!
And this stupid obsession all boils down to men. Yes,I'm going to actually go on a men-hating spree at the moment, which my female friends will applaud. However, my lovely girlfriends, you are no less stupid. Even worse, in fact for giving in.


The matrimonial columns firstly.


Wanted:


Beautiful fair woman of average height, with good educational qualification, who knows how to cook and is respectful to elders.


Translation:


I want someone who I can show off for her looks and my parents can show off for her docility.

My translation: Revolting.

Just stop and think for a moment. Nah, dont think. When you think, then you do the normal stuff. Because then you see the sense in doing it. If you dont 'fair' up soon... you're gonna be busted and you need to have that ring on your finger by 29. It's a timeline you have worked out for as long as you can remember and you cant let go of it. Why? Because then you're choices narrow down. Badly. Why again? Oh yes, you get worse looking by then. So you're man does the deed before that and you get your cradle to deal with too. Easier for him,isnt it?Quite brilliant the plan is, really.



I'm not telling men to search for inner beauty. Hell, even I'm not that deep. Neither am I telling women to stop making an effort to look good. But men need to get rid of that 'fair=virignal' stereotype and women need to stop starving themselves. They need to stop asking questions like 'Do I look good today?' or 'He'll never look at me. He prefers hot women.' I will shake those women into oblivion.


Unfortunately and fortunately, I have been on the receiving end of being overlooked for a much fairer,quiter and delicate woman. She's never run a mile in her life(being naturally thin even though she has her love handles after starving herself) and is the nice and 'sensitive' person. But the man is intelligent. Brilliant, in fact.That's what confuses me. But in the end, he chose her. It wasnt a war and it was subtle but I was bewildered, nonetheless. I know what its like to have your ego mangled up and you look at yourself in the mirror and say, "What's not good enough? What does she have that I dont?"


You probably have more and I did dammit, but he didnt see it. "'That's his loss", you say? I dont think so. He's got exactly what he wants. A perfect doll with minimal intelligence because he doesnt have to deal with it. It's a plus point really. Being dumb. Not 'blonde' dumb. I meant 'damsel in distress' dumb. She doesnt need saving all the time but atleast she looks like she would want it. She doesnt shrug off help when he offers. She doesnt frown when he opens the door for her or pulls out the chair.
Yes, I have been tempted. It's easy to be lured into being this way if you're a woman.And trust me, it's easy to be that way too. AND it works! But please..dont.
You look at the racks of shoes in a shop and realise there's a pair of high heels that will make you look soo good. But you couldnt possibly walk in them for very long and you've never been comfortable in heels. But still..they make you look so good....
Yes, I've been there. But better sense has prevailed, thankfully and I have moved on to the next row and bought the pair of flats.
This isnt a feel good post where fat women(I know all women think they're fat but these are for the OBESE women.) can say 'Hey,I dont need to feel bad anymore.I can still get a guy because I'm intelligent.' This isnt for dark women to say,'Men are idiots.'

This is for fairness cream and hot water addicts to ask themselves..

'Who are you doing this for? And when do you stop?'

The whole point is..

This is going to be rambling. Crazy rambling so you have been warned. Dont read any further if you fear for your sanity and I do for yours at the moment.. You think you have it sorted that you've got a job,right? It makes things easier..you're able to be independent..blah blah..well, its just worse...it's like this hornet's nest and being the youngest there doesnt really help your case..Everybody's watching you and everything is forced. Forced enthusiasm. Forced work ethic. Forced sitting-in-one-place-when-you're-butt-damn-well-hurts! Dont get me wrong..I love my job..It's great considering I'm under training so there's no pressure yet.. but holy christ! when there are just two men around and 40 women, there's hardly an escape..
I have no social life whatsoever. Not that I ever did. But atleast there was time enough for that to happen. During the one hour break time all I have to listen to are women trying to find appropriate husbands and married woman talking about their inappropriate husbands. It gets confusing at one point but you cant really block it out because they sometimes pop a question asking for your opinion. Yes,I'm 20 years old and I know exactly what its like to have my parents poke and prod me about a husband. Gah! All my parents are relieved about is that there are only two men in the office so that leaves what?..no room for me. But of course,I somehow have to find a damn Scorpio to lure me out of such a small sample size. Cause I'm a stickler for the secretive type. A stickler for anyone that's a challenge. And boy oh boy this guy was! He was the most reclusive and perfect voiced scorpion ever. Of course, I got unceremoniously dumped on my ass when I realised he had the hots for the girl sitting next to me. Yes,my luck just keeps getting better. So now I have to deal with him giving her these gooey eyed looks(which were intense hypnotic stares before I knew he liked her) and clamp my mouth shut to stop myself from telling him to go make himself happy somewhere else! Yes,I have to deal with two years of that. Yea, I know what you're going to say..I'll get someone else by then? I'd like to believe I'll meet a distraction but hey..when you're stuck in that hell hole of women, there's a high chance of me swinging the other way rather than getting someone..The only action I get the whole day is when I enter the bus on my way back..
I know several women suffering from 'wanting men they cant have' and not wanting the men you can have..
I sympathize. Truly.
But there's just no fun in going out with someone who doesnt show the slightest resistance. The one who needs to talk to you everyday..my colleagues have guys who call them to ask if they've reached safely..
Next call. Have you had lunch?

Next call. What are you wearing today?I was just wondering if we were color co-ordinated like that day.

Next call. You're sure you arent lying about there being only two guys in your firm right?

Next call. How's work going? I'm bored.

Next call. Wanna meet?I get off early today. We can talk about the day.

COME ON FOR CHRISSAKE!

And they call me abnormal!

I look at my phone and I have 4-5 pitiful messages from airtel and one message from my beloved uncle. Sometimes when my dad tells me to DND the phone company's text messages,I refuse. Atleast I look busy deleting them.Pitiful, but I prefer being pathetic far more than listening to incessant questions about how every second of my day is.

I'm really having the time of my life.

The whole point of this blog is to..
complain..
whine..
Vent.
So dont read this.

Quirks:25 Things You (Might) Not Know About Me.

I've always wondered if I was as weird as the next person with my likes and dislikes. Some habits remain and some we get out of imitating someone..I know where some of mine came from..I just thought I'd write it down..

1. The first weird one would probably be me being scared of big dolls and clowns. I do know that the fear of big dolls started when I watched child's play(a movie) when I was a kid. Clowns were scary from the time I went to a circus and a clown tried to be funny with me.Frankly, that badly put make up that made cracks appear on his face creeped me out.



2. You could call me a kill joy but I dont like christmas carols. When somebody starts singing "Jingle Bells", my head wants to burst.



3. The only cakes that I like and will ever eat is the Merwan's chocolate truffle and the CCD chocolate fantasy.



4. I like my custard hot and I have never had tea unless I have something to dip in the tea. And then I dont have the rest of the tea after dipping.



5. I still have my cream biscuits the same way I did when I was four with a few variations-lick the cream first and then have the biscuit.When I was four,I used to keep the creamless biscuit back in its place.



6. I hate the taste of tooth paste in another person's house. It takes time getting used to it and I do eventually, but when I reach home,even after really long,I dont find the taste of my toothpaste weird at all.



7. I dont like anyone singing happy birthday to me, or singing happy birthday at all. I think I hate overused rhymes in general.That would explain the christmas carols.



8. I am highly uncomfortable when women talk about their shopping purchases which include undergarments. I see no point in discussing about it.



9. I have a thing for men with hooked noses and a hot voice. It would explain the common link in the celebrities that I have liked-Alan Rickman, Adrian Brody, Ashley Banjo and Kevin Bacon.



10. I still love balloons, bubbles and candy floss. And I still have this mad urge at weddings,to go down on my knees and start collecting confetti. :)



11. I always like the villian in every single thing I've ever watched. Hate the nice people-they seem way too unrealistic to me.



12. My all time favourite songs would probably be the following

• Walking On Sunshine-The Bangles



• You cant hurry love-Phil Collins



• This Will Be-Natalie Cole



• The way you make me feel-Michael Jackson



• You're the one that I want-Grease 1

13. I have a thing for old vintage things. As soon as I start earning,I'm gonna get rocking chairs, old lanterns..stuff like that...These new modern things look a bit boring..

14. I love having plain milk, dont like iced tea, doughnuts, pasta and pizzas.(Weird,I know)

15. My favourite meal would be fish and chips(purely because the fish tastes sooo good in that awesome white sauce that they give you)

16. My favourite place to hang out would be a theatre or a library.

17.My favourite movies-Becoming Jane, My sister's keeper and 300(in that order).

18. The only woman I would ever go lesbian for would be Stana Katic-better known as Detective Kate Beckett of the Castle series.(I love watching 'Whose Line is it Anyway?', Castle, Spartacus:Blood and Sand and Glee.)

19. When I see a couple,I always try to figure out who's the reacher and who's the settler. Sick habit,I know but blame it on Barney Stinson.

20. I do not like piercings,watching people do ballet(I was sweating and wanted to get out of the theatre when I watched Black Swan) and tatoos(I can bear the tatoos though..a little bit). It makes me feel like you're doing something unnatural to your body by mutilating, bending and scarring it respectively.

21. I hate the sound of people cracking their knuckles or crinking their neck. It gives me the creeps. Like nails on a chalkboard thing.

22. I cannot sleep with the light on and I still dont know what my real hand writing looks like cause I have so many.

23. The one book that I have read 27 times(last count):Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.

24. Hates it when people(parents,best friend,boy friend included) touch my phone, thinks its allright to know each other's passwords and reads my diary.

25. Will wear white sleek track shoes under my wedding gown because its comfortable,its my day and I want to dance..and not worry about shoe bites and blisters.(later on..if you know what i mean ;)

Warped Feminism

What has always intrigued me is the behaviour of the two sexes. They react differently in the same situation, have very different ways of tackling problems and different lines of thought. To all the people who think both the sexes are the same and perfectly capable of doing the same thing efficiently for every single thing...it's not true. Feminism seems to have taken a whole new turn. Unfortunately, it bugs me so bad that I'm willing to face criticism on this very public site from every single chick i know, whose a feminist. From fighting for the right to equal wages and voting(which I approve of, mind you)we have gone to extremes where we think we are superior and can do everything far better than a man can. We demand more reserved seats, tennis women demand equal pay when they play 3 sets unlike the men who play 5, we have a woman's quota in some medical college and god knows what else! Let me be clear when I say I've always wanted equal rights for women. But they dont seem 'equal' anymore.We seem to be getting a lot more than necessary and we dont seem to have stopped asking. Unfortunately, due to all this, I have become an irrational women hater.I do not want a sex change so dont even suggest it.The reason for this atttitude started during my train rides. Women are just born annoying. I think. They 'claim' seats(still dont know why that system works and why new dunderheads spring up and follow it), nag you when you dont answer questions poking fun at your upbringing, do not help women entering the trains, in fact making it more difficult to enter, dumping half of their arses on the fourth seat and my leg, have poor judgement and sense of direction and behave like kids-all for that goddamn window seat!For all their caring and sensitive nature*rolls eyes*, it seems to fly out the window during the train journey. Men are far cooler in trains. Women have this annoyong habit of mothering you(I speak on behalf of my guy friends),giving you advice when you dont ask for it,calling to catch up on your life(mainly to get some new tidbit of gossip), hugging you even though you just met yesterday and their constant need for details.They seem to lack any sense of comprehension when you give them subtle but obvious hints and think you're rude if you're blunt with them.Apologising to a woman is by far, the worst. A man doesnt mind a simple sorry. The less hassled ones dont even mind if you start talking normally with them. They consider it forgotten. In fact, I find that men are slightly annoyed sometimes with the number of times a woman says sorry and their long drawn out apologies. I guess this is due to a habit developed because women do it to each other.She has to talk about what led her to do the thing she did,, what she did, what consequences it had,how it was all a misunderstanding, how she misinterpreted it and will never do it again..blah blah...Sometimes women do not realise that feminism is a curse. Women have taken on 2 jobs now instead of one. And they do it single handedly. They rationalize by saying they can multi task well. I'm sure men can do it too but they seem smarter to not even try and worry themselves unecessarily.Someone was right when they sent me a forward saying 'with women ruling the world, there wont be a war.We would just be stuck with jealous countries not talking to each other.'You can blame Eve for being curious like a woman always is, and eating the apple all you want but now you can blame the feminists for claiming to be superior and dumping additional work on us. Thankfully my non feminist mother has left me the option of choosing.
Finally.
I'll choose the less painful, therefore successfully evading Eve's curse.

Alleluia!

Disclaimer:These are my own thoughts. Hurting religious sentiments is not intended. Anything apart from character judgements is welcome.

My history is necessary for this post. I have a Roman Catholic mother and a Hindu father.My father didn't wish to baptize me for the simple reason that he wished to give me a choice. I have gone to church for as long as I can remember and Sunday school till fourth grade.I got sick of sunday school and quit, giving my mother the water tight reason of feeling left out because everyone I knew were preparing to receive the sacrament of communion. The real reason was simple: it made no sense.

Slowly, my transformation to the other extreme began. Being an aethist was easy and it went well with my naturally cynical way of looking at things. I scoffed at the ten commandments, how God would destroy a whole world of people and then regret it later(Noah's Ark), how God was so vengeful every single time someone did something wrong...Honestly, I thought God had some serious temper issues...

The rosay at home stopped. However the church going continued since I didnt want to upset my mother. Till then, karma seemed to make more sense than religion. What goes around comes around. Though I never believed in it but I never saw anything wrong with it either. However, a simple fact escaped me. The wrongs that I have done in my life far exceed the right. If I have to pay back for all of those things, I would definitely have the most miserable life possible.And I didnt seem to be having one.So karma was definitely out.

That led me to believe that I read the bible without a clear head. So I started to read the world's bestseller and most shoplifted book far more carefully.Today I think the Bible makes sense but the Catholic Church doesnt. All the things that I've been brainwashed into believing the first eleven years of my life came back and I realised it wasnt the Bible's fault. It was the Church, for twisting it or not explaining it well at all.

Baptizing few month old babies when Jesus himself was baptized at the age of 30 seems like forced conversion to me. Brainwashing kids into believing that you have to pray at a particular time during the day(because God is only gonna hear you then), not allowing nuns to say the mass(this coming from a non feminist)and listening to the same sermons every single year that are way too far fetched to even try.

Banning the Da Vinci Code book, saying that it goes against your faith, tells me how not confident they are about your faith and how it can be easily manipulated-because of a single book. The Church seems afraid of questions and people are so used to the routine that no one asks. Why cant you let people read and decide for themselves?

What infuriated me(though it may sound petty) was the sudden hate directed towards the Harry Potter books. It apparently propogates dark magic and gives you ideas about magic and how things can be achieved without the need of faith.Have they read the books? The books clearly put Dark(black) magic on the bad side and the only thing that could defeat it was love. In fact, Severus Snape who gets lured into the Dark Arts but leaves it to join the Order reminds me of the prodical son or Paul.

The books led to many kids finally taking up reading(including me) as a hobby-which was dying then..

The way the Chruch twists one of the beatitudes makes me nauseous.

'Happy are the poor for they are rich in spirit.'

And then the priests goes on to tell you how its allright to be poor. That God is always there to take care of you and atleast you'll get better rewards than the rich in heaven. That the rich do not get a good nights sleep because they're constantly worrying about money while the poor can sleep well because they've had a honest day's work and have nothing to worry about.

Plainly romanticizing poverty.

Dont swallow that vomit.

It's not okay to be poor. You dont need to be happy in that rut that you're living in. Work hard for more and there's damn well nothing wrong with wanting more. A rich man can do an honest day's work and still get sleep at night. And still get to heaven. You probably would be stupid for not trying and just waiting to die so God can handfeed you.

All of the seven deadly sins(gluttony,lust,greed,despair,wrath,pride,vanity,acedia) are natural human tendencies and you do tend to give in to them(some of them to me are allright as long as you arent hurting someone else). And when you do hurt someone and feel guilty about it and truly regret it, you can go ask for forgiveness(the whole point of Jesus dying for you-which nullifies the karma law-and therefore makes more sense).

"In the past the Church used to just kill everyone who posed the remotest threat to their empire..They cant do that anymore so they struggle to mantain some semblance of power and relevance with stunts like these." -Yash.

Hopefully, one day I will have the courage to raise my itching hand in the middle of mass, and ask him some of my questions.