Being 21...

I always have these huge intervals before I start writing a blog post, one of the few reasons why Ive said no to taking up writing as a profession. Writing on command has always been tiresome. It has worried me, these long spells of not writing. There have been times when I've had an intense urge to write but no longer can I take a break and pen it down. Today, I logged into facebook after 3 months to realise quite a few people had missed me and my Potter posts. It's an important time for any employee, these days. Its the end of the financial year. The important appraisals are coming up - determining your salary, behaviour, areas of development and bonuses. It's necessary to leave a lasting impression on your stake holder. Therefore, it becomes inevitable that one has to bite down curses and a few choice words voicing frustration.

This month has personal implications too - I'm turning 21, you see. A week back, I didnt think it was that much of a big deal. How is a 21st birthday any different from the 20th? When I had a lunch with my college friends, I realised a marked difference. Quite drastic, in fact. On my 20th birthday, the people sitting with me right then were the ones that my life revolved around. These were the people I interacted with day in and day out. Now my life revolves around a computer and talking to candidates I've never seen and never will, being a catalyst to the decisions they make that can affect their life. On my 20th birthday, I was having this lunch with my parents money and now I was giving my card to swipe. At this time, last year, I was still fretting about exams, marks, what to do after the exams (study or work?) and where would I get a job if I decided to work. Today, I'm worrying about my appraisals and my boss. It seems like a very grown up space to be in.

But I realised getting older isnt getting any easier.

Independence gives you a strange sort of high but it hardly fails to keep telling you that what you have is never enough. It's a strange sort of hunger that never happened when I went after a score in my exams. There was no chance to try again once I got that marksheet.

I see a few of my class mates still wandering and wondering about what they want. Some have made hasty decisions that they regret. Some are settled in their work and studies - things they had done with intensive planning for a few years now.

As I look back on the year, I realised life has turned out rather well for me. It's still like college in some ways where you feel small sometimes in the midst of so much talent and competition.

Being 21 is different from being 20. And I realised I needed to celebrate it. :D

"At the age of twenty, we don't care what the world thinks of us; at thirty, we worry about what it is thinking of us; at forty, we discover that it wasn't thinking of us at all."